You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
