So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i will never coherently bang her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
