Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
