i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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