Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
