I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She bit a glass in half.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
