I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
