I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
