i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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