omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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