perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
