so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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