In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We had sex on a dog bed..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
