i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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