u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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