Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
