I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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