Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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