I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
