Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
