May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
