She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
