you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
