i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
