every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
