headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
