I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
