We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
