These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
