Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
only if we run a train.
done.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
