so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
