JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
