I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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