dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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