It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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