So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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