So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
