Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
