Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
