that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Mom said you looked used
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
