dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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