3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
