I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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