Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
