I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
how does that bad decision feel?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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