she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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