woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
