Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
