I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
