after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
