i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
