And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
