i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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