what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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