I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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